CONTRIBUTOR BLOG WRITTEN BY RBM MISSIONARY: OLIVIA HENDERSON (NOW STATIONED IN IRAQ WORKING WITH ISIS REFUGEES)
I would like to say that Jonah had every reason to be mad and rebel against God, but the truth is He didn’t.
While reading through this brief yet insightful book I can’t help but sympathize for Jonah.
It’s because I am going through, for lack of better word’s, a “Jonah” moment.
I am mad at God, for something I don’t have the right to be mad about.
It’s this feeling of entitlement that pulls me on this voyage of trying to escape from Him. Escape from my Deliverer because I didn’t want to be delivered.
Because I want Him to see justice through my eyes.
It’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever had to admit- because I know it’s false.
The person I had become was a false identity and yet I held tight to it. Even though it had died many years ago on the cross- I didn’t let go.
When someone is abused that person usually develops a certain reaction to help cope, defend, or escape. I call it the “survival” mode.
I learned at a young age that I needed to be aggressive and proud to help cover up the reality of what really was going on. I was hurt, isolated and degraded.
Traits that the enemy uses to pull us into the dark.
That’s what my Savior wants to save me from, and I point my finger at Him, saying I had to be this way because of the abuse…
And now Your asking me to change?
Reality is, I went into survival mode, instead of letting the Savior do the saving.
I thought my way was better, that my understanding was greater.
Lies from the enemy.
That old sinful way was crafted by the enemy, and I just accepted it with open arms letting it chain me.
I can’t hide it anymore, because it’s trying to suffocate the fire within me.
Jesus, I surrender it to you.
It’s that moment when socially you don’t know how to act anymore. You just don’t know.
All I know is to turn to Him and let Him have all control, let Him lead me because that’s the way life was created to be like.
A divine and glorious everyday encounter with the One who gave it all for me.
The One freeing me from the old ways I was operating in.
I am defined by the unchanging and unmoving God that delights in me.
He delights in you.
And it is because He loves you so much, He lets you go through the hard times, where you think He has abandoned you.
Only to find out that He was saving you from yourself.
“… I knew that You are a merciful and compassionate God, slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love. You are eager to turn back from destroying people.”